The Freaky Fangirl Frenzy: Part 1
It was a casual day somewhere in Neopia Central. Ah, the sky is blue, the birds are singing, and the fangirls are crowding around Jeran Borodere of Meridell, who was heading for a little meeting. Unfortunately, he would be later than he already was, with all these women around him.
Yep, the casual day.
"OMG JERAN LYK CAN I HAV UR AUTOGRAPH?!?!?!111!!one!1?" a Royal Uni screamed in his ear, waving a pencil and a little book. Jeran gritted his teeth nervously as he tried to get out of the huge crowd of adoring fangirls. A brunette and a Pink Shoyru got in his face, screaming about autographs and secret dates.
Jeran gave a scream and pummeled his way through, finally out of the crowd. He exhaled with relief and cautiously turned his head around.
"OMG JERAN!!!!1!!11!!oneone!!1!" they screamed as they ran after him.
The Blue Lupe knight screamed and ran for his dear life. Quickly pulling out a walkie-talkie, he pressed a few buttons. "This is Alpha Blue to Omega Doom! Repeat, this is Alpha Blue to Omega Doom!" he cried, and picked up the pace as two girls tried lunging for his underpants.
Static wavered as a deep voice replied, "Roger, Alpha Blue, this is Omega Doom. What's the problem now?"
"I've got twenty-seven thousand fangirls chasing me and trying to get my underpants!" Jeran reported as he ran. "I need backup!"
Over the roar of the fangirls, he could hear the voice reply, "Roger, Alpha Blue. Sending backup now."
Immediately a Chia Police car, wailing siren and all, lurched in front of Jeran and his Fangirl Association. "THIS IS THE CHIA POLICE!" a voice rang out. "PUT YOUR HANDS UP, JFA!"
"But an NT Writer told us that Chia Police and cars don't exist!" a blonde responded.
"WELL, SHE'S LYING!" the voice boomed out. "SHE ALMOST KILLED LISHA; WHY WOULD YOU TRUST HER?!"
"Yeah, I mean, why would you listen to somebody that would kill MY sister?" Jeran argued.
"Shaddup, Jeran!" the "Chia Police cop" retorted. "Now put the notebook, pencils and pens down and put your hands up, Jeran Fangirl Association!"
The fangirls started muttering with one another. Just then one of them gave a scream. "OMG!1" the fangirl squealed, pointing at the car. "IT'S ARMIN!!!1!!11!!oneone!!1!"
"LYK OMG HE'S SO HAWT!!!11!1!oneoneone!!!one!1" the fangirls screamed.
The annoyingly cute little Bori poked his head out from the car, holding a megaphone. "Get it, Jeran," he groaned.
The Lupe didn't need to be told twice. He opened the backseat and they were off, while fangirls tried pounding on the windows and screaming about underpants and autographs. "WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG?!" Jeran yelled, smiting Armin.
"Hey, hey, watch it! The insane girl just whacked me with her shovel on that spot!" Armin growled, rubbing his head. He sat back and snapped a finger. "Step on it, Jacques."
The pirate Kyrii adjusted his shades and his golden-coloured eyes twinkled. "Right, mate," he nodded, and soon they were beating the traffic, going through Neopia Central.
"Why do you bother wearing armor?" the young Bori asked Jeran. "You know it slows you down!"
"Hey, it protects me from the JFA!" the knight argued, his yellow eyes flashing. "What about you and that shirt and vest and annoying puffy pants? It's easy for the AFA to steal your underpants!"
"Well, yeah, guess what? I ain't wearing any underpants today!"
"I think I'm gonna be sick, and that ain't good. I'm the driver here!" Jacques yelled, turning a slight shade of green. He picked up his own walkie-talkie and pressed a button. "This is Pirate Dude to Omega Doom," he said in the handy device. "I have Alpha Blue in custody, along with Crazy Cuteness. We're heading in your direction, repeat, we're heading in your direction. Do you copy that?"
Static, then a sound. "Roger, Pirate Dude," the deep voice replied. "I copy. Over!"
"Crazy Cuteness, eh?" Jeran smirked, jabbing a finger at Armin.
The Bori scowled and pushed Jeran away. "Hey, it's not my fault all the good names we're taken!" he said hotly.
* * * * * * * *
Dr. Frank Sloth stood in front of a large oak tree, arms folded, walkie-talkie in hand. His red eyes shifted back and forth to see what was coming.
The car lurched to a side wheel in front of him, and crashed down, shaking the passengers inside. Sloth turned on his walkie-talkie and said, "Yeah, this is Omega Doom to Golden Knight. Alpha Blue, Crazy Cuteness and Pirate Dude are here."
"Copy that, Omega Doom," Rohane's voice replied in static waves. "Over!"
The tree had secret sliding doors, which opened now. "You know, you should try disguising yourself more often, Jeran," Dr. Sloth told the Lupe knight as he was walking down a staircase hidden in the large oak, the doors closing behind them.
Jeran scoffed. "Huh, says you, Ms. Happiness Faerie," he shot back. Armin and Jacques snickered as Sloth frowned.
They entered a particularly large room. There was a thin stage with two staircases at the left and right, and a stand with a gavel on it. Some chairs were placed in front of the stand, a few on the left and a few on the right. Lord Kass sat on one of them, watching Kanrik flip daggers, while Rohane and Garin played Cheat.
"Five aces," Garin announced.
"Get the cards off my chair, Garin," Jacques said, taking his seat and hung his shades on the collar of his shirt. Armin and Dr. Sloth did the same. Jeran cleared his throat as he took the place at the stand.
"Good afternoon, gentlemen of the Secret Club T.O.F.F.E.E. (Targets of Freaky Fangirls Everywhere Everyday). I'm sorry for the delay; I got caught in a band of fangirls. But I managed to escape, with the help of Armin the Bori, Dr. Frank Sloth and Jacques. Will the aforementioned please stand and be appreciated."
Mild applause rang out as Armin, Jacques and Sloth stood, then they sat down. "Now, all rise for the T.O.F.F.E.E. Pledge," Jeran said.
The men stood, raising their right hand and holding their head with their left hand as they recited the pledge. "We, Targets of Freaky Fangirls Everywhere Everyday, will by all means avoid Rabid Fangirl Associations as much as possible or impossible, and try to keep our underpants, so Borovan help us." They all sat.
"Now, as you remember last secret meeting, we almost got caught by a mob of fangirls, all thanks to Garin here..." The Blue Lupe knight eyed the blond-haired Usul.
Garin rolled his blue eyes and sat back in his seat casually. "Who do I care? They love me. I've got a hot Aisha mermaid on one arm already; I could use more."
"Who, Caylis?" Jacques asked suspiciously.
"No, you idiot, Isca!"
"Order, order," Jeran mumbled, banging his gavel. "The point is, Mr. Suave, we were almost found by the mob of crazy women. I do not want happening again! They almost got Kass' shirt!"
"And trust me, they're like cats!" the Eyrie advised, shuddering at the horrifying memory. "That wasn't even a fangirl trying to tear my shirt off! That was one of your fangirls, Jeran!"
"Must be the girl with the red cape," Jeran muttered. "Now, there was a pair of pink teddy bear boxer shorts found in the tree yesterday; whose were those?"
Everyone pointed at Kanrik. "Hey, it's my mom whose forcing me to wear those, not me!" the Blue Gelert argued, turning a beet red.
"Yeah, right," the T.O.F.F.E.E leader scoffed. "Anyway, just be careful next time, and -"
An alarm suddenly rang out. The lights in the room shut down and red ones began flashing up. "Jeran, the club's been breached!" Rohane screamed, typing in a little computer.
"But the club's secret!" Kass argued. He pointed an accusing finger at Jeran. "You didn't happen to have a crowd following you, Mr. Presidentio?" the Eyrie snapped.
"Of course not, blockhead!" Jeran shot back angrily. "How can they possibly find me?!"
"LYK OMG WHERE'S ARMIN!!11!oneone!!1HAWTNESS!1!!!!1"
The members turned to glare at the little Bori. "Hehe..." Armin chuckled nervously, tugging at the collar of his shirt.
"WE'VE BEEN BREACHED BY FANGIRLS!!!" Kanrik screamed, shaking Sloth by the shoulders. "OMG! WHADDO WE DO?!?!"
"Calm down, I'll handle them," Garin shrugged, and opened the door, running up the stairs.
"There goes a brave man," Sloth said.
Unfortunately not. The Usul came back as fast as he went up, slamming the door behind him shut, panting heavily. His hair was messy and his eyes were bulging. "I never learn, do I?!" he cried. "There's about a million of them! We can't survive, Jeran! What's Plan B?!"
"I'm thinking!" Jeran screamed, looking around desperately. "Uh, uh, I know! We'll take the back door!"
"THERE IS NO BACK DOOR!" the Yellow Blumaroo screamed, running around in frantic circles.
"We're gonna diiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeee!!!" Kanrik wailed, shaking Jacques by the shoulders.
"No, we're not!" Kass said. "We're underground, remember?"
Kanrik nodded, sniffling. "Then we'll just DIG out!" Kass said. He pointed at Armin. "Start digging!"
Armin's eyes popped wide open. "B-b-but I can only dig through ice!" he stammered.
"Dude, our lives DEPEND ON IT!" Garin gasped, clapping Armin's shoulders.
The Bori gulped. "I'll need help!" he said, beginning to dig through the dirt walls. "Grab something to dig with!"
Jeran and Kass drew their swords, while Sloth grabbed his Ray Gun and began shooting the wall. The three knights began hacking at the dirt while Kanrik, Jacques and Garin pulled out a big drilling tank from the HATIC Plot.
"Get on!" Kanrik yelled.
There was a scream as Rohane ran around in circles again. "THEY'RE SETTING THE CLUB ON FIIIIIIIIIIIIRRRRE!!!" he shrieked.
Jeran grabbed him and tossed him on the tank. He grabbed an end and waved his sword. "Start it up, Jacques!" he ordered.
The redheaded Kyrii saluted and pulled a lever. A few minutes later they found themselves tunneling through the ground as Sloth shot the edge of the beginning of the tunnel, making it cave in with dirt.
"Bad idea, Sloth!" Armin cried, and pointed. Dr. Sloth squinted and yelled with alarm as the cave in of dirt was coming closer to them.
The green villain tapped Jeran's shoulder and jabbed a thumb backwards. Jeran looked behind him and groaned, smiting his head with frustration. "Jacques, full speed ahead!" the knight ordered.
"Aye aye, captain!" Jacques called back mockingly. "Hang on!"
Immediately fur was flying back as the drilling machine plunged forward. "Ugh!" Jeran snarled, gritting his teeth and trying to open one eye. "JERAN!" Rohane's voice called, along with a few beeps and bloops. "If we keep going forward, we're gonna crash into a rock!"
"Port, Jacques, port!" Jeran cried. The Kyrii turned the tank right. "No, you idiot!" the Meridellian roared as the Kyrii hastily got out of arm-swinging length. "Port is LEFT! Starboard is RIGHT! I THOUGHT YOU'RE A PIRATE, JACQUES!"
"I AM, I'M JUST NOT THE BOSUN OF THE SHIP!" the first mate of Garin retorted. "Rohane, where are we heading?!"
The Blumaroo knight typed a few commands on his mini VirtuComputer. His eyes widened. "Uh, how you guys feel about all becoming cliffhangers?" he asked nervously.
"Oh no." Armin said.
"Hey, you know, it's actually kinda fun!" Kanrik exclaimed. "Yeah, see, it makes you feel really hyped up!"
"Yeah, I should know!" Garin grinned. "And then when you almost fall - "
The tank was suddenly flying in the air as sunlight streamed down on them. Everybody looked down at the rapids and large pointy rocks.
"ABANDON TANK!!!" Jeran screamed.
They didn't need to be told twice as they jumped off, watching as the tank pummeled down, causing a rather big explosion.
"WE'RE FALLING!" Kass laughed. "FALLING! FALLING! FALLING!"
"Should I knock him out, or should you?" Garin asked Jeran. The Lupe knight groaned and smote his head.
* * * * * * * *
"Yeah, heroes don't die, and villains almost break their precious bones in their body when they fall," Sloth commented dryly, dusting off dirt and pulling off seaweed from his black cloak. "I oughta kick your tailbone!"
Kass giggled insanely as he flew in circles over the fellow members. "Man, can we do that again?" Kanrik said, grinning like a Weewoo. "I mean, the waterfall was AWESOME!"
"So what? I've fallen off a waterfall that was about 10 000 feet from ground!" Garin bragged. "With spiky rocks and rapids below!"
Jeran groaned and walked onto land. He stared up. He saw smoke emitting from where their club used to be. "It's gone," Armin murmured, sitting down and curling up into a ball. "Just like that. Thanks to fangirls, the T.O.F.F.E.E club's gone."
"Yeah," Jeran murmured in reply.
"All is lost," Dr. Sloth said.
"Nothing's left," Garin sighed.
"Everything's gone," Rohane added.
"It's history," Kass groaned.
"Aye aye," Jacques moaned.
"Who wants cookies?"
"Uh, I mean, oh, no, our club's gone for good. Now who wants cookies?"
To be continued - OOH, COOKIES! GIMME ONE! *pounces on Kanrik and begins grabbing cookies* XD