The Freaky Fangirl Frenzy: Part 1
"This is Al Bhed Thief from Team Omega to Team Alpha. How's the steak cookin'?"
"When we say 'stake out' it's not a steak party outside, Kanrik, it's a stake out! You know, spying on people?"
"YOU'RE A THIEF! YOU SPY ON PEOPLE!"
"Oi...just get me Omega Doom."
"Sloth! Were you dropped on your head?!"
"Well, ever since I starred in the NTWF HATIC Plot - "
"SLOTH!!! GET ME SLOTH!!!" the Lupe screamed, and ended his conversation with Kanrik. Jeran began muttering darkly as he punched in a few buttons on his walkie talkie to reach Rohane. "This is Alpha Blue to Golden Knight," Jeran growled. "Tell me you've seen something."
The reply was a scream and stammers. "Alpha Blue, we've got an FF situation here with Crazy Cuteness! Alert Team Alpha and Omega, repeat, ALERT TEAM ALPHA AND OMEGA!"
Jeran quickly punched in a few buttons to connect to everyone's walkie talkie. He didn't get Armin's line, so he spoke in quickly. "Team Alpha and Omega, there's an FF situation happening with Golden Knight and Crazy Cuteness!"
"FF? You mean like Final Fantasy?!"
"No, Kanrik!" Rohane and Jeran yelled.
"Golden Knight, what's the level situation with Crazy Cuteness?" Jeran asked.
"Code pink! Code pink!" the Blumaroo's voice shrieked.
Gasps were heard from Jeran's walkie talkie. When the danger was mingled with a bad fangirl situation, there was code pink. Not even code red could compare to the disastrous two words.
"Spread out, Team Alpha and Omega!" Jeran commanded. "Find Crazy Cuteness!" He sprinted off on his feet and drew his sword, his eyes darting to and fro, the walkie talkie in his other hand.
A static sound. "Alpha Blue, this is Chic Magnet," Garin's voice spoke. "I'm getting signals from Crazy Cuteness' line. Just to let you know."
"Roger, Chic Magnet."
Another static sound. "Golden Knight, this is Beta Hawk," Kass' voice announced. "I see an ice dagger on the ground. It's belongs to Crazy Cuteness. I'm getting closer!"
"Good work, Beta Hawk!" Jeran responded. "Team Alpha, go West! Team Omega, go East! Do you copy that?"
"Roger, Alpha Blue!" voices replied. "Over!"
Rohane and Jacques were at Jeran's side, running. "This is Pirate Dude to Chic Magnet and Omega Doom," Jacques reported to Garin and Sloth's walkie talkies. "Are all teams together?"
"Yes, Pirate Dude," Sloth's voice said. "Wait, I see - OHMIGOSH!!!"
There were girly screams from the other team's lines mingling with the horrified screams of Team Omega, plus Kanrik's high-pitched scream. "THEY'VE GOT CRAZY CUTENESS!" Garin screamed.
"JERAN, GET ME OUTTA HERE!" Armin's voice replied.
"LYK OMG UR JERAN?!!!?!oneone!!1?" a feminine voice added. "OMG CAN I HAV UR AUTOGRAPH?!?!1!!?"
Team Alpha arrived just in time on the scene and gave a horrified scream.
Jeran whipped out a megaphone and pointed to the AFA. "PUT...HIS PANTS...BACK ON!" he demanded shakily.
"Ya mean he ain't wearin' any underpants?!" A Green Draik girl scoffed.
"Sheesh, no wonder..."
"PUT ARMIN'S PANTS BACK ON!!!"
They still wouldn't let go of their Bori captive. Armin's face was dangerously pale, and his eyes were bulging. He shook uncomfortably and whimpered.
"One of us is going to have to make a sacrifice," Kass whispered to Jeran. "You do it!"
"WHAT?!" Jeran yelled. "Why me?!"
"You're the leader!"
"YOU DO IT! You look better to the women shirtless!"
"I know, and I already did! About a million times, in fact; it's your turn!"
Jeran and Kass continued arguing when Rohane elbowed Jeran and pointed to "Al Bhed Thief". Kass and Jeran stared at the Gelert for a moment, then gave an evil smirk.
Kanrik was paranoid. "What?" he asked.
A few seconds later a screaming shirtless Kanrik was running as fast as he could ever while shrieking fangirls chased after him, lunging to grab his underpants. The fangirls have left Armin behind, who was curled up in a ball and shuddering.
"It's okay, it's okay," Sloth told the small Bori soothingly. "Everything's gonna be okay."
"They saw me...pantless..." Armin whimpered.
"So what?" Garin huffed. "The fangirls have seen me fully naked!"
"You actually liked posing for that calender!" Jacques accused. "I saw you hanging around Hannah and Illusen as well!"
"Don Juan!" Kass yelled, pointing a finger at the Usul.
"Hey, she was drunk! I could not resist a drunk chic!" Garin retorted hotly, folding his arms.
"Yeah, you guys really make a good couple," Armin drawled, his voice drenched with sarcasm. "You're both drunkards."
Garin stared at Armin with wide, innocent eyes. "Who - "HIC!" - , me?" he said, his "me" a bit slurred. Rohane rolled his eyes with a smile and Armin guffawed.
"FANGIRL ALERT!" Sloth cried, pointing to where the fangirls were after all of them.
Jeran's head was darting to and fro as he looked around frantically. Then he saw it.
A brick house. A sturdy, brick house. With a chimney, a sturdy looking door, a strong roof, and absolutely no windows. "TO THE SAFEHOUSE!" the Lupe knight ordered, running in the direction of the brick house.
The others didn't need to be told twice.
Jeran threw open the door and began shouting, "Move, people, move! Get in, get in, get in!"
A faded blue blur was the last to come in, screaming like a girl. "Kanrik survived!" Armin gasped.
Jeran went in and slammed the door shut. He began barring the doors in cartoon speed with sturdy wooden planks and a couple of iron nails. He breathed a sigh of relief and collapsed to the ground, holding a hammer.
And the screams of fangirls outside worried the members of T.O.F.F.E.E.
* * * * * * * *
There was a bathroom inside the "safehouse", with two couches, not perfect, and a table and lamp, plus some ham and cheese sandwiches which Kass made. Rohane and Armin were patting Kanrik's back as he sat on the couch, crying his head off.
"They tried taking my underpants from the front - " the thief sniffed, and went into a fresh set of tears.
Armin grabbed the sixteenth box of tissues and offered it to him. "There, there, Kanrik ol' buddy, I've experienced worse. Take one and blow."
Kanrik did. "Is there a goose in here?" Garin asked Jeran.
"It's just Kanrik," Jeran replied, who was peeking though the peephole. "Okay, there's about a dozen thousand blondes, about a dozen ten-thousand brunettes and those with coal black hair, about two-hundred with pink, blue, white and red hair, about a thousand and fifty Neopets to the right, and ninety-seven that are old enough to be rapping grannies. Do the math, Rohane."
The Blumaroo knight from NQII began typing in the small VirtuComputer laptop, and his eyes widened. "You do NOT want to know," he told Garin and Jeran, closing the VirtuComputer.
Sloth was busy reading an issue of an E.V.I.L - Everyday Villains' Ingenious Lives magazine while lying on the couch. "Oh, so THAT'S how you make atomic and nuclear bombs drop without backfiring and frying your hair!" he marveled, taking a bite out of a ham and cheese sandwich.
Jacques was busy trying to find some use of transportation in the basement. "Good news!" his voice echoed. "I found a pretty decent car we can use and go up a secret tunnel dug here, but there's still fangirls on top of the secret door! Hopefully they don't find us here, or we're doomed."
Jeran groaned, still watching every fangirl's move. "Garin, take watch," he ordered, going down to the basement, munching on one of the two ham and cheese sandwiches he had taken. He gave one to Jacques as he looked at the beat-up automobile. "Huh, Neopia, eat your hearts out," he grinned. "'Cars don't exist' my tail."
"I can get it to work for a bit more time if I could get a certain source of energy to pump up the car," Jacques explained, banging the engine with a Mynci Wrench. "Where's Sloth?"
The evil warlord was called down. "Well, I could shoot the main source with my Ray Gun if you want," Sloth exclaimed, pulling out the ray gun. "Now?"
Jacques nodded. "As soon as possible," he said. "Jeran, call the others. This is gonna be a bumpy ride."
* * * * * * * *
Meanwhile a random fangirl was waiting outside. She had dark brown hair, a purple shirt and a blue skirt, and carried a sparkling star wand. She was the one standing over the secret door, unaware of what was going to happen...
Suddenly the floor below her rumbled. Quickly getting out of the way, she watched as a car rocketed out, and a dagger fell out from the car window.
Quickly the girl caught it. It was a dagger of Kanrik's.
"I GOT KANRIK'S DAGGER!" the girl squealed, going crazy while all the other fangirls chased after the driving car. "YAY!!!"
* * * * * * * *
"That was my dagger!"
"Was it your last?"
"No, it was my one hundredth dagger lost though!"
Sloth groaned and slumped down in his seat as Jacques began spinning the wheel. Sloth was squished between Kanrik, Rohane and Garin, with Jeran and Kass squished in the second passenger seat, and Armin without a seat.
"I think I'm gonna be sick!" the Bori screamed, starting to turn green.
"Slow down, you crazy Kyrii!" Jeran shouted, holding on to his seat. There were no seatbelts.
The Kyrii pulled on the brakes. There was a snapping sound to be heard. "Oh no," Kass droned, giving a perfunctory look, smiting his head. Jeran smote his own head with the palm of his hand as they drove off another cliff.
"Gentlemen and gentlemen, please stay in your seats," Jacques said through his walkie talkie, interacting with all lines. "We are about to land in three point two seconds. Thank you for flying Air T.O.F.F.E.E., and please exit to your right. Thank you."
There was a crash, followed by a big asplosion, coughing, and finally...
That would be Kass, who enjoyed the fall.
And that would be Jeran smiting Kass's head.
To be continued...*tries to take Kat's new dagger from Kanrik*