Jeran groaned and sat up. His body ached all over and his muscles were numb. He looked around to see the other members of T.O.F.F.E.E (pretty much Kass, who was rubbing his head which Jeran had smote) sprawled on the ground. He also noticed that some palm trees stood and that they were on a beach. Jeran grabbed a handful of sand and let it trail down his fingers. "Rohane, do I get the feeling we're not in Neopia Central anymore?" the Lupe asked dryly.
"Well, it could be that we're on a Neopia Central beach."
"With palm trees and native fangirls?"
"...native fangirls?" the Blumaroo repeated.
Jeran turned around and screamed as dozens of Mystery Island fangirls stampeded towards the Neopian attractions. "RUN LIKE HECK!" Armin cried, standing up and running. "Pick up the pace!"
"Aww, but some of the fangirls have a beautiful shade of tan and are wearing bikinis!" Garin whined.
"Hey, being a hot dude in Neopia requires sacrifices, even if you run away from tan women wearing bikinis!" Jeran yelled regretfully. "Now run or be trampled on!"
Garin pouted as his feet did the rest of the work. Armin was leading; the little Bori did not want to be near any fangirls today.
Rohane whipped out his VirtupComputer and began typing furiously. "According to my calculations, we're heading in a direction where we can get away from the fangirls until we reach a place where there is possibly no means of getting away. In other words - "
"It's a dead end?" Jacques groaned.
"Yes indeed," Rohane said. "Uh, how did you know?"
"We're stuck in it, birdbrain," Sloth drawled.
"Birdbrain? Is that a compliment? 'Cause birds are usually smart. Take Kass, for instance, he almost ruled Meridell. Or maybe since he's kinda psychotic he might have a puny brai -"
"Oh, shut up, thief," the Eyrie growled to Kanrik.
They had just ran between two rocks with a house at the back, and the house was made of poisonous jelly. The boys lurched to a halt and spun around, watching their fangirls advance.
Jeran took a deep breath in. "Well, this is it, men," he told them. "I just want to let you know that you were the best pals a knight could ask for."
"Best pals my tail!" Kass retorted. "I hear you muttering that we're just a pack of bumbling idiots sent to you because we destroyed our babysitter's house!"
"Hey, at least I don't want revenge against King Skarl for hogging a teddy bear named Mr. Snuggles!" Jeran shot back.
"Well, at least I don't sleep in bunny rabbit jammies!" Kass snarled.
"At least I don't sing off-key when I take a shower!"
"At least I'm not afraid of balls of lint!"
"Will you guys just stop arguing?" Sloth groaned.
"Yeah, well, at least I don't get letters and choccie chip cookies from my mommy!" Kass sneered at Sloth in a mock tone.
"I thought you were arguing with Jeran!" Sloth pointed out, his face turning red with embarrassment.
"Oh yeah." The warlord turned back to the knight and yelled, "At least I don't wear bunny slippers!"
"Well, at least I don't dress in Earth Faerie Drag like you did when you were forced to wear Illusen's dress!"
Meanwhile the fangirls just stood there staring open-mouthed at their heroic crushes. Then the fangirling commence again. "LYK OMG CAN U SIGN MY UNDIES?!?!?!?!!?!11!1!oneone!!1?"
Jeran screamed and jumped on Kass as the fangirls advanced. Then Kass, who was still angry at Jeran, yelled, "At least I don't cheat on my girlfriend!"
"You don't have a girlfriend!" Jeran shrieked, getting off. "You have three wives, fifteen ex-girlfriends and thirty-two children!"
"Kass and the Court Dancer!" somebody random in the fangirl crowd screamed.
"At least - " Kass was about to retort, but then he heard the fangirl couple him and the Aisha. "For your information, she is waaaaaaaaay younger! She's young enough to be my...my sister!" he yelled.
A shovel suddenly and strangely knocked out the fangirl while others began screaming couples.
"Hannah and Kanrik are sooooooo sweet together!"
"But wouldn't that mean I'm not with Masila?" Kanrik asked bluntly.
"Nuuuu! Armin and Hannah!" another fangirl suggested, after the shovel knocked out the Hannah/Kanrik shipper again.
"Jeran and Kasha Moonfang from Rider's stories!"
"Lisha and Boris!"
"Lisha and Boris? You mean Lisha and Morris!"
"And Kayla and Boris!"
"Garin and Isca!"
"No! Garin and Hannah! Remember the wedding he crashed?"
Obviously the shovel whacker who didn't like these couples being mentioned had given up whacking all the shippers, since there were so many.
"I thought I married to some elite ninja fangirl in disguise!" Kanrik told Armin, who simply nodded.
"No! Garin and Caylis!"
Jacques made a mental note to beat up Garin later.
"No! Jacques and Caylis!"
"Scarblade and Caylis, you dipwad!"
"Jacques and Isca!"
"You're all wrong! Jacques and The Three!"
Garin and Jacques stared at each other weirdly while Sloth just smiled, being glad he wasn't mentioned in the couplings.
"Rohane and Mipsy!"
"No! Rohane and Talinia!"
"VELM, YOU IDIOTS!"
"Rohane and Velm!"
"Nuuuu! Rohane and Jeran!"
The two knights screamed like girls.
"Garin and Jacques!"
Garin's jaw dropped to the ground. Literally. Jacques' eyes rolled back and he collapsed.
"Nuuu! Garin and Scarblade!"
The Usul gagged and ran behind the rock, where there were retching noises to be heard.
"Armin and Kanrik!"
The Bori burst into tears. Kanrik just looked confused as usual. "What?" he asked, oblivious to what was happening.
"Hannah and Masila!"
"Vex and Galgarrath!"
"Lisha and Kayla!"
"Lisha and the Court Dancer!"
"Morris and Boris!"
"Jeran and Skarl!"
The ghastly pale Lupe joined Garin and soon two retching voices were heard.
"Nuuu! Kass and Jeran!"
"Kass and Skarl, you dipwad!"
"No! Kass and Darigan!"
Rohane and Sloth restrained Kass from attacking the shippers with his sword, which he was waving around. Smoke puffed out from his ears and his face turned red with anger.
"Sloth and the Space Faerie!"
"Nuuu! Sloth and Jhudora! That's the BEST couple!"
Sloth let go of Kass (who fell down on his face) and gave a womanly shriek, jumping high into the air.
"Sloth and Illusen, stupid!"
"I think it should be Illusen and Jhudora."
"That's true, but we're need a boy on boy couple. We're still not supporting any opposite gender couples."
"...then how about Sloth and Skarl, with little Skarlie babies?"
"DEAR BOROVAN!" Sloth screamed, and he yanked out his Ray Gun, beginning to scream bloody curses at the fangirls.
"Wait, Sloth, no!" Jeran cried, who was done vomiting from all the gay couples, but Sloth pulled the trigger.
The gun rumbled. A sound was being heard from it. And finally...
...a bubble popped out. "WHAT THE -" Sloth yelled, shaking his Ray Gun. "WHO THE HECK DRAINED ITS POWER?!?!?!"
The bubble floated amid the arguing shippers and landed in the middle...
Fangirls ran away screaming while a girl with blondish brown hair with a hairclip, a short-sleeved blue jacket, a white T-shirt, blue pants, blue wristband and white sneakers twirled a shovel in one hand and a bottle of explosive bubble solution in the other. With a disgusted sigh she walked away.
"One day I'll have to thank her when I go steal crackers from her house," Sloth said with relief.
"I am NEVER going to thank HER! She abuses me with that shovel of hers! And for Borovan's sake, what is it with you and crackers?!" Armin demanded.
"Well, see, crackers are the fifth best food in the world. They go good with cheese, which is very good, and they're so crunchy and delicious."
"Okay, then, let's just get the heck outta here before the gay shippers come back," Jeran giggled shakily. "Follow me!"
They simply nodded and followed.
* * * * * * * *
They finally took a ship to the Lost Desert, where Jeran had lost his sword to one of his fangirls, one with jet-black hair, a red cape, a white T-shirt, jeans and some sneakers.
"And that was just my fifteenth sword lost to a fangirl!" Jeran complained, bumping his head on a table in the Sahkmet Palace, where Rohane, who was also a gourmet chef, cooked up some great Lost Desert food.
Kass snickered and took a bite out of the delectable dish in front of him. "Mmm, dish ish good!" he remarked with his mouth full. "Whatsh thish shtuff anyway?"
"Oh, Grackle Bug salad with bits of Trilobite and boiled Ummagine," the NQII knight responded casually.
The Eyrie's face turned green. "Next time I won't ask," he moaned, getting out of his chair and running to where he thought the washroom was.
Jeran chuckled and ate a bite of seasoned Tut Trout and rolled his eyes with pleasure. "This IS good, Rohane!" he commented. "How do you do it?"
"Did I tell you how I got to serve for a King back when I was only eight years old?" Rohane said, grinning recklessly.
Armin wolfed down on the Pyramicake and Pyramicbread glazed in honey which were placed in a large basket. "Slow down, Armin!" Jacques laughed. "You eat like a Snorkle! If you ain't careful, you'll eat the bread blanket in the basket!"
"Guessh again, shucker," Armin mumbled with a grin as he continued eating. Jacques peeked in the basket and indeed, the intricately designed Lost Desert napkin was gone, except for a few bits of thread and cloth. The pirate just sat there looking weirdly in space.
Suddenly Jeran's walkie-talkie got loud feedback. Jeran yelped and quickly put his hands over his ears, just like Sloth, Armin, Rohane, Garin and Kanrik did. They removed their hands from their ears very quickly as they listened with horror at Kass' desperate screams. "CODE PINK!!! CODE PINK!!! GUYS, GET ME OUTTA HERE!!!" the Eyrie's voice shouted. "NO, NO, GET OFF ME, YOU PSYCHO GRANNIE!!! KEEP ME AWAY FROM THAT BED!!! NO, DON'T - AUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!"
There was a beep, followed by static. The T.O.F.F.E.E members stared at Jeran's walkie-talkie, their eyes bulging with Borovan-forsaken horror.
"GO! NOW!" Jeran abruptly screamed, getting up. They all ran into the room where Kass had went into, expecting the worse.
They expected right, though what they witnessed was worse than worse.
To be continued. Mw4h4 ph33r m3h. *is cream pie-d*